L L K
by achildofthestars
Summary: Lois/Clark. A series of memorable firsts, as seen through Lois's eyes.
1. Chapter 1

_Title: L. L. K._

_Spoilers: Being overly cautious - All eps_

_Notes: This will be a story about Lois relating a series of memorable firsts. Thanks to everyone.  


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1.

I kissed him. Don't be jealous. He'd just saved me and a dozen others from an explosion at the chemical plant on the outskirts of Metropolis, red cape and all. He set me down gently on the roof of The Daily Planet and was about to turn away when I tugged on the cape and made him face me again. It wasn't a great look, the dark was a little too much and the new moon didn't help me any, but I could see his handsome face just enough to know I was smitten.

"Who are you?"

A dark eyebrow rose and for a second I could feel something tugging at the back of my mind but I pushed it away to focus on the man in front of me.

"I think you call me The Red-Blue Blur."

"What do _you_ call yourself?"

"Looking for your next story, Miss Lane?"

"You know my name?"

He smiled and I involuntarily took a step closer to him, but he didn't seem to mind.

"I like your stories."

Forget the Pulitzer. This was enough.

"I know. They're good, right?" I smirked.

A subtle shake of his head drew a lock of his hair over his forehead and I bit my lip as I fought to stay my distance. I never was good at denying myself though, and before I knew it, I'd emptied the space between us and stood up on my tiptoes to lock lips with the savior of Metropolis. He didn't move at first, probably too shocked that a woman such as myself would give him the time of day, but then he opened his lips and forced my own to allow his tongue to wreak havoc.

How long we stayed like that, I don't know, but it was too soon and too close to a memory that just barely tickled the back of my thoughts. His head pulled away, looking toward the east with a concerned expression dominating his face. When he looked back down at me there was a confused frown I didn't like.

"I've got to go."

"Okay," I exhaled.

"Lois?"

"Yeah?"

I followed his look down to my fist which still held a fair amount of red fabric.

"Oh, right." I let go. "Sorry."

A blur of red and blue left me, shooting off into the night sky. One of my hands drifted to my lips and I couldn't stop the smile that grew.

-

"Don't you think 'Superman' is a bit…much?"

"No."

Smallville dropped the newspaper with the photo of said Superman looking up at me. I picked it up and tried not to let the memories of last night get to me.

"What if he doesn't like to be called that?"

"If he can go around in blue tights and red speedo, I think he can handle it. He's not a girl like you."

"It's not a speedo."

"You been looking closely, Smallville?"

He lowered his eyelids and rolled his eyes at the same time as he sat down at his desk. He'd been in something of a mood since I'd seen him, and while I wanted to ask him what was eating at his craw, I also didn't want to hear anything concerning Lana Lang.

"Are you still bringing something for dinner tonight?"

I knew I'd forgotten something and my face must have shown it by the way he looked at me.

"Do you think you can tell your mom I'll have dinner with you guys tomorrow?"

"Lois, she's been planning to come home for the past month."

"I know," I stood and clicked the print symbol on my computer screen. "But I've got to check something out on one of my stories."

"What story?"

This was where I was going to have to be tricky. The story was actually a not so much story anymore since Perry had forbidden me to deal with Ganglion's supposed sex trafficking and Smallville had been the one to tell on me to him.

"Oh, you know, nothing big." I began walking to the printer. "Actually, it might not take me that long so there's a chance I…. Clark?"

That kid had a bad habit of disappearing without making a sound.

-

Being held at knife point does many things to a person. For me, it made me pissed beyond seeing red. There was already a trickle of blood running my neck from where I'd struggled a bit too hard against the blonde haired man who held me captive.

"You want your story? I'll give you firsthand experience."

"I'll give you one last chance to let me go before I make you sterile."

"Feisty, that's good. They like it when you fight."

"Let her go."

I knew that voice. Superman. I wanted to turn my head, shout out his name, anything, but the man holding me hostage tightened his hold against me and pulled us against the wall of the alley. My cheek scraped the brick and I grimaced as I felt the dirt enter the wound.

"G-Get away or I'll kill her!"

That was all the man had a chance to say before I felt a searing heat come from the hand at my neck and heard a shriek that sounded vaguely like a cat that used to walk on the base at night. I always hated that thing. Maybe Superman did too because he bound the man up and hung him by he tag of his coat from a light post. Comical, I know, but it worked.

"Nice of you to show up."

"You're a magnet for trouble, aren't you?"

I shrugged. "When you got it you got it. Listen, I, uh, you see…" Really? I couldn't find the words?

"You're bleeding."

"What? Oh, it's…nothing," I breathed when his hand lifted my chin so he could see the wound. My eyes closed, my breathing grew heavy the longer he kept touching me, and then I nearly fell to my knees when he ripped a small piece of his cape off and pressed it against the cut. So what if I was acting like a girl? At least I'd found a man who was actually strong enough for me.

A long minute passed, maybe more minutes before I opened my eyes so I could see him. He was absolutely gorgeous, the pale yellow from the lamp post lighting his features and bringing out the blue of his eyes that swallowed me whole. Just like…no. No.

"Superman?"

I blinked. "What?"

"You named me Superman."

"It was either that or Speedoman."

He shook his head as he let go of my chin and stepped away, bringing a strong hand through his black hair.

"You should be more careful, Lois."

"I had it under control."

It didn't take a genius to read the dubious look he tossed my way. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not some helpless girl."

"I don't doubt that. Not at all, Miss Lane."

Confession? I loved it when he called me that. My feet moved forward without my brain telling them to.

"Lois?"

The fear I thought I heard in his voice had to be something of my own imagination because a superhero would not be afraid of me.

"Do you like it? Your name?"

I really wanted to know. I wanted him to say yes just because a selfish part of me wanted some kind of claim onto him that no one else could touch. The hope seemed nothing like me, but it was there, wanting to be concrete. I waited.

His eyes moved over my face, lips working in minute twitches that seemed to fail at completing a word. It was torture.

"I do," he finally said.

Small, it really was. Something nearly insignificant in the mind of any other reporter. I imagined the smile spreading across my face was exactly dopey and absurd.

"Good, because I would've just told you to get over it."

Maybe my mood was contagious, or maybe he'd been thinking of me like I'd been thinking of him. I didn't care because I knew as he leaned into me just a fraction of an inch, that I was his. He kept coming towards me, slowly and carefully, probably waiting for me to meet him but I'd done the majority of the work last time so he could do it this once. The hesitation walked across his face even as his hands met my shoulders to keep me from running away. It breathed against my cheek as he waited just a second longer before pressing his lips to mine so softly I was slightly disappointed.

But not for long. The kiss deepened and he had all the control, which was fine this one time. He pulled away first, a slight smile at the corners of his lips and I watched it form and fall, mesmerized.

"Is there anywhere you're supposed to be, Miss Lane?"

"Right here," I responded quickly.

"Let me take you home," he chuckled slightly. "Unlike you, I've got plans to keep."


	2. Chapter 2

_Title: L. L. K._

_Spoilers: Being overly cautious - All eps_

_Notes: This will be a story about Lois relating a series of memorable firsts. Thanks to everyone.  


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2.

I may have gotten too friendly with the bottle of wine I'd set out with the now cold dinner. Lounging back in my chair, The Daily Planet Globe spinning behind me, he landed on the roof. He at least had the decency to look chagrined, not that it mattered.

"And he arrives."

"I can explain."

"Of course you can. Some big disaster, right? Someplace remote?"

"I'm here now."

"Well, yes you are." I drained the last of my glass and immediately began to refill it. Barely glancing at the notebook on the table, I carelessly rattled off the questions I'd been dying to ask since the moment he'd flown into my world.

"You married? Got a girlfried? Maybe a kid, or kids?"

"Uh, no. No."

"Convincing," I took a long drink.

"I'm just," he frowned and walked closer to the table. "Are you sure you're up to doing this right now?"

I eyed him as I held my glass closer to my face.

"How old are you?"

For the first time he seemed to take in the plates with cooled food.

"Is this for me?"

"It _was_, assuming you ate. How old are you?"

"I'm over twenty-one.

"You can lift a plane, fly, what else can ya do?"

"Lois," he seemed concerned at my lack of enthusiasm or interest in his answers. "Maybe – ."

"Strength and flight, what's left, _Superman_."

I was losing my patience. He shifted on his feet.

"I have, uh, super breath."

"Amazing."

His chest puffed a little at my barb.

"I run faster than light, can't feel pain, and I have x-ray vision."

My eyebrows rose and I tipped the glass in my hand towards him before emptying it.

"Congratulations."

"Shouldn't you be writing this down?"

"No love life because of superbreath. Is that enough?"

We stared at each other, his eyes imploring me to give him a chance. My chin was defiant in its stubbornness. He'd wanted to be late for our interview so some hoity toity rich girl wouldn't cry when a nurse pumped a blood pressure cuff. I wasn't cutting any slack.

"This isn't the way I imagined this would happen."

Standing, I flipped my notebook closed and capped my black ink pen with vaguely numb fingertips

"Neither did I. Well, goodnight."

A dismissal of a hero, I loved it. When I turned around and started walking towards the roof's door, a smug smile tugged at my lips before I realized I wasn't moving anymore. Looking down, I found his arms holding my back against his chest.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Giving you you're interview, Miss Lane."

His deep voice tickled the loose hair near my ear, leaving burning strands that met my skin.

"Let me go."

I could tell he thought about it; his hands gripped tighter in front of me.

"You sure?"

"Of course!"

The light rumble that poured from him made me glare at him over my shoulder.

"What's so funny?"

His smile grew wider and he brought his head down closer to mine. I told myself that the reason my blood was pumping through my ears was because I was absolutely livid with the red underwear hero. Blue eyes shined as they dropped to the ground and I couldn't help but follow where they fell.

My immediate reaction to hovering over the city was to jerk back against him and for my hands to cling to whatever they could find which happened to be his thumbs. I couldn't catch my breath as we went higher, slowly and slowly, the lights becoming less defined and the sounds turning to dull muffled drones.

"Lois? You okay?"

"Are you kidding me? This is amazing. It's beautiful up here. Wait, what are you doing!?"

"Calm down," he whispered against my neck and so I did.

His left arm drew away from me for a second before sliding smoothly against my side and then over my abdomen. His other arm followed suit and while it was infinitely more comfortable, I still wasn't satisfied. I wanted to see him, up here, alone. Beginning to turn in his arms, he helped me the rest of the way and then I was tiptoeing on his boots, pressed hard chest to chest, my hands resting on his biceps.

"You like it up here."

That much I could tell. For a man who always looked like the world was on his shoulders, he looked relaxed from everything right now. He looked down directly at me.

"I do."

"Me too."

He smiled. I smiled.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?"

"Just because you take me flying first class in your arms? No."

"I guess it was worth a try."

"But since we are up here, I guess I could finish up the interview."

"I thought there was more. What else do you want to know?"

Everything.

"Where are you from?"

"I'm, uh…." He frowned, almost like he didn't want to say it. "I'm from a planet called Krypton."

"A…planet Krypton?"

His mouth opened with no sound, closed, opened again.

"Yeah."

"Oh." I stared at his face intensely. "So you're an alien?"

"I like to think of myself as an intergalactic traveler."

This was certainly unexpected. I'd expected him to be a meteor freak, not an actual freak. From the way he was looking at me, I could tell I was supposed to be reacting a completely different way. At the word 'alien' I was supposed to start screaming and begging for my release.

"How'd you get here?"

"I was little when my home planet was dying. My parents sent me off in a spaceship that landed in Smallville."

"You caused the meteor shower!"

"I didn't mean to!"

I pulled back slightly from him, narrowing my eyes as I looked him over as best as I could. I could feel the small muscles in his body tightening and loosening as I stayed silent in my perusal.

"You're a little green man," I whispered with a teasing tone lining my words as my hand moved across his chest to rest on top of his signature 'S.' "Superpowers, I can take. Alien, I can handle."

"Really?"

"Oh, come on. This is Lois Lane you're talking to."

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A/N: I wanted to say thank you to everyone who reviewed. It really does give me confidence here.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Still don't own.

A/N: I'm a horrible review replier but I am seriously trying to turn over a new leaf and be a little more...interactive. Anyways, sorry for the huge delay. Thanks :)

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3.

The sound of my footsteps echoed against the thick walls after I stepped off the elevator and then stopped as I met the door which would lead me outside on the roof. I was trying to be brave. I really was. I just didn't know if I was going to make it through the whole conversation without crying or punching him.

Instead of worrying about it, I flung the door open and began walking ahead before I was forced to stop short.

"Smallville?"

He turned, hands shoved into the pockets of his black slacks, a slight wind causing his hair to shift towards his eyes. I had to mentally shake myself so that I would remember my feelings for Clark were long in the past.

"I thought you'd left for the day. What are you doing up here?"

"Thinking," was his single worded answer.

"Oh." I clasped my hands behind my back and walked forward. He watched me place my hands on the railings and smooth my thumbs against the sun warmed metal. For a second, when I heard him move, I thought he was going to move behind me. I waited for it.

"Lois?"

Instead of being closer, he was farther from me, a short angle fifteen feet away. It didn't help my nerves.

"What?"

Given a choice, I would have run. The intensity of his stare was unsettling, the tense shape of his mouth worrying. God, all I wanted to do was run away from that look, and I most definitely was not the type of person to run from something.

"I…there's something," he sighed, his shoulders rising as if he was gaining courage. Again, his mouth opened but this time, no words were able to escape before he snapped it shut and frowned at me, shoulders finally falling in defeat. Another twelve seconds passed before he smiled shakily, his feet moving backwards to lead him away from me and closer to the door. "It's nothing important. I'll, uh, see you tomorrow."

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Chewing on a nail, I squinted as the evening sun refused to bow down just yet. Clark's behavior was still on my mind, jittery and not quite welcome even though he was just my friend. If I were honest however, I'd recognize how separated we'd grown over the past five months. I hadn't done it intentionally, or maybe I had. Probably, I had.

"Lois."

I let his soothing voice wash over me one more time.

"You're not late this time."

"No," his voice exhaled. "Not this time."

And it split my heart. Of course, the one time he was on time would be the time where everything was supposed to end. I turned.

"How about we get this over with?"

He frowned. For a superhero, he could be incredibly dense and it irked me. Much like someone else, but I shook that off.

"The broken dates, the avoidance, the big gifts and gestures, the preoccupation when you're with me." I crossed my arms over my chest and let my legs bear my weight as I leaned on the rail. "It's not my first time on the hero merry go round. I know what it means."

I could see him swallow, the bob of his adam's apple moving up and down almost as if he had to taste my words to know I wasn't playing around this time.

"I'm sorry, Lois."

Three words uttered, torn and thick, and I was losing my composure because I believed him. I honestly felt his pain, his confusion, his need for me. My eyelids fluttered as I fought the tears.

"Don't be. Who was I kidding?"

Before I knew it, he was holding my face with hands that could easily crush the life out of me. I drank it in, the closeness of his presence and the feeling of his cape whispering around us like a shell.

"Don't say that." His eyes delicately searched my face, willing my features to trust in him. I felt his thumb brush along the length of my cheek. "You're _the _Lois Lane." His lips formed a soft smile while the tips of his fingers danced across my hairline. "You are the most special person I've ever known. How can you not know that?"

There it was. A fear of mine, born long years ago and fed with every person who had ever left me behind. And he was powerful enough to deny it, to feel what no one else had. My hands grasped his cape and twirled into fists that would become numb. I was special. I meant something.

"Then why? Why are you doing this?"

"You deserve more than I can give, Lois."

"You're Superman!"

"I'm not human," he said softly, a downward tug of his lips scorching me. "I can never have a normal life."

"Normal's boring. You know me better than that."

"Yeah, I do. That's how I know you deserve it all. Everything and more."

"I don't need everything."

His forehead met mine and I felt his lashes waltz across my skin as he closed his eyes.

"I've been fooling myself into thinking I could have it all. You make everything so much…better. But every day I get closer to you, the more I put you in danger."

"I'm a big girl. I'm not afraid."

I felt his lips kiss my hair.

"That's what scares me." He pulled back slightly. "Lois, I can't lose you. I have to keep you safe, and this is the only way."

"No, it's not."

His lips twitched, smoothly and with a touch of distance I was already dreading.

"For me, it is."

I'll always remember that kiss. I literally felt my heart rip into more than the traditional two pieces. I could sense his unwillingness to let me go and his strength waning every second our mouth was together. There was no doubt in my mind that I was finished. I was done with a love life since no other man would compare. And I would wait. Wait for a better time.

He held me close to him and we listened to each other's breathing calm.

"Thank you." I unwrapped myself from him, not wanting to be the one holding onto something not yet catchable. "We had a good five months, didn't we?"

His hand caught mine and squeezed gently. "Someone else will give you a good forever."

"Right," I scoffed as his hand let mine loose. "The only other man who's put up with me is Clark."

"You ever thought about giving him a chance?"

I blinked, honestly thrown for a well formed loop. There was only thing I could do at the question, and that was to force a tight smile, stay strong, and pretend everything was fine.

"Goodbye, Superman."

"It's not goodbye."

"For now it has to be," and I walked away with the same echoes of my solid shoes meeting solid enforced roof.

"Goodbye, Lois."

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It was automatic, and even though I knew this was the last place I wanted to be, it was also the first. That's how it went with us, opposites, never at the same place at the same time, yin and damn yang.

I only had to knock once before he threw the door open. He only had to open his mouth before the string that was keeping me closed unhitched itself.

"Clark...."

My sore tears drowned out the rest, a mumble of words escaped that meant nothing and everything as they hit his shoulder. He held me tight and it reminded me so much of Superman that I had to shut my eyes, but he didn't say anything. He was just there, stroking my back, being the rock of strength when so much of mine had wandered away.

"I'm sorry, Lois," he whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

_Title: L. L. K._

_Spoilers: Possibly all episodes._

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4.

Time lost me somewhere during the evening, not that I minded. Halfway through my third cup of coffee, I sat back in my chair and stared at the computer screen filled with my one year Superman anniversary article.

"Figured I'd find you here."

I sighed, folding my arms under my chest as I swiveled the chair to face Clark. He offered me a crooked smile and raised a white box smelling too sweet to be real food in the air before sitting down on the edge of my desk.

"Happy Birthday, Lois."

Huh, I'd thought he'd forgotten.

"You didn't have to do this, Smallville."

"It's not everyday you turn…how old are you?"

The fork he'd just given me aimed itself at his head and I arched a brow.

"Right, need to know basis."

"Smart boy."

We stabbed the cake at the same time, eyes meeting the other in slight embarrassment before realizing we'd just embarrassed the other more by looking up. In silence, we kept eating. I didn't know what the hell was going on. This…this…thing with Smallville was more than I could handle. The tension that seemed to creep up on us was laughable. If you asked anyone the last two people they'd think should end up together would be Clark and Lois. Even I thought it.

"How are you doing?"

"On my way to a sugar coma," I smiled.

He tapped his fork on the box and I could feel one of those heart to heart talks on the horizon and I really didn't want to talk about my love life with Kent.

"I mean, Perry's making you write this article about Superman and since the two of you…."

"Look, it's no big deal.."

If Clark wasn't careful with those looks I was going to shove this plastic creation through his eye socket.

"I'm serious, Clark." I tapped the blue and white frosting on the circular cake. "He has his life and well, I have my own. I couldn't have him as my boyfriend, but I can have him as my friend. I can live with that."

"You can?"

"Yes," I lied. "Look, the last thing I need is to fall in love with another guy with a hero complex. In fact, no more heroes for me. It's boring bankers and lying lawyers or dirty carwashers from now on."

"I think you missed a little alliteration there."

The soft snort that came from me amused both of us.

"What?"

"Nothing, I'm just proud that my little boy is growing up and understanding words like alliteration."

"I know you'd be surprised considering how long it took you to understand it."

The blue tongue sticking out at him probably wasn't frightening, but I didn't care.

"Very mature, Miss Lane," he chuckled.

A shiver went up my spine and I froze, gaze locked on him and his still grinning face. His tilted lips fell fraction by fraction of an inch until they were a straight line. I frowned, trying to tell myself that it was ridiculous and insane to think that Clark and Superman were…the same.

"Lois?" He cleared his throat. "Lois?"

I threw my fork into the white box and stood up, my fingers trembling just slightly.

"Um, I've got to go…up, upstairs."

-

The air of October night whipped across my face and I immediately felt relief as I leaned on the railing. After a few seconds, I realized I'd been an idiot. Really, Clark Kent? I laughed at myself.

"What's so funny?"

"Clark! Don't do that! Jeez! I could've broken your face."

"I just came up to check on you. I was worried."

"You're such a girl, Smallville."

He rolled his eyes and walked up beside me before leaning his forearms on the rail.

"I can't help it if I experience human emotions like caring."

"Don't get your ti...big girl panties in a bunch."

With a glare tossed my way he returned to staring across the darkened city. I did the same, for the first time in a long time, not sad about being up here.

"I didn't mean to bark at you, Smallville."

"I know."

That should've been the end of it, and it nearly was, but I found that I wanted to tell him something that I'd been thinking of for a few months.

"Thanks, for the cake. It was really nice."

"You're welcome, Lois." He looked at me softly. "You deserved more."

For a second I was caught, caught up in a thin web of a dream where maybe it wasn't crazy that he and Superman were the same. I shook my head at the insanity.

"Like what? Coal?" I bit my lip and he smiled. It seemed so easy right then, open and free. The words were out before I could stop them. "The dreams make sense now, and the fortune teller."

"What?"

I rumbled through, embarrassed I'd brought it up but not able to put the brakes on.

"A fortune teller told me I was destined to fall for a guy who flies a lot and likes to wear tights. I used to have those dreams, remember? A man with a red cape? It actually meant something." I frowned. "Leave it to me right?"

There wasn't a smile, a twitch, nothing. He just kept staring at me, eyes open and more than clear. I swallowed and took a step back but his hand found mine and wasn't about to release me. When he started to pull me towards him, I knew I should fight, demand him to quit being silly, but I didn't.

I wanted this. I'd wanted it for a long while, before Superman, and now, after. It would be a disaster. This was Clark, Smallville. I was so close to him, his hands circling my wrists and then brushing my skin all the way up to the inside of my elbows and then up to my shoulders.

And then my phone rang. Which effectively ruined whatever was about to happen and I was immensely relieved as I faked an excited 'hi' to Chloe.

Brushing back some of my hair behind my ear, I turned my head towards the door and Clark nodded sharply, his face red even in the dark. I nearly took the stairs two at a time down, confused and guilty.


	5. Chapter 5

_Title: L. L. K._

_Spoilers: Possibly all episodes._

_Disclaimer: Yeahno._

_A/N: I'm still a horrible review replier but I can say that this fic is quite angsty, but angst could never stop L&C :)  
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5.

Ever since our rooftop rendezvous I still hadn't been able to shake off the awkward feelings for him and this was not going to help things. He didn't back down; I was surprised. Jimmy would no doubt be smiling like an idiot when we met them at the restaurant to celebrate his big break with Superman.

Sitting beside him in his truck, I was moving beyond surprised to uncomfortable. We were stopped at a red light when I began drumming my fingers on the arm rest of the door. I refused to look at him in his dark suit and he refused to look at me in my dark blue dress.

"Nice night."

"It's supposed to rain," I muttered.

* * *

"I told you it was going to rain!"

I could feel him at my back, trying to keep some distance but not able to since he was unlocking the passenger door so I could get in first. The rain was cold, startling cold, pelting down on us with an urgency that provoked the black skies to thunder. His hand pressed on my back and it felt like a bolt of lightning shot through me before he closed the door behind me.

* * *

He suddenly went quiet, his hands shoved into the pockets of his slacks again, his jaw tightly clenched. I closed the door behind us and he turned on me. His blue eyes bored into me, probably shook the door on its hinges, and I swallowed tightly.

"You need to know something, Lois."

Ordinarily, I'd say something witty. His look didn't permit me. There was a hint of a smile, in motion only, not in hinting of any light and quirky moment. He was nervous, jittery, worried. It was driving me crazy just like that evening half a year ago.

"Spill it, Smallville."

"I'm…" his voice was hoarse and he finally choked out two words that tilted my world. "I'm Superman."

All the air in my lungs rushed out and the edges of my vision slightly darkened. He was lying. He had to be lying. So, I laughed.

"Why would you – ?"

The next thing I knew, he had me pinned against the door and I was craning my neck up just so I could see him. My laughter was far, far away.

"Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Clark…you're Clark."

I could feel his hands brace themselves on either side of my shoulders as he started to lean into me. He almost looked hurt, but there was a bigger part of him that looked rough and determined. He took a deep breath and it pushed me even harder into the door. Dear God, I'd never seen him this intense. Had I?

His nose touched mine, veered to the left to skim my cheek, and then I closed my eyes.

"Don't," I whispered. I felt his breathing stop, his chest no longer heaving into mine with his air.

"Lois?"

Because I knew. I knew he was telling the truth, always had known. I could tell by the way his body towered over mine and commanded more of myself than I ever had. Only one other person had stood with me like this.

"Let me go," I whispered. He didn't move. "Let me go!"

Though he could've crushed me, I easily escaped his cage of arms and walked to the kitchen so I could hold onto the island counter. I was an idiot. My fist became numb and I let out a mirthless laugh.

"It's you!" I closed my eyes. "Of course it's you." I turned around. "Who else knows?"

"My mom, Chloe, Lana, Oliver, and Lex."

"So, I'm last?"

It hurt more than it should've – to know he'd trusted me the least and treated me like a fool.

"I had to protect you, Lois. Everyone who knows my secret always gets hurt. I didn't want to do that to you."

The same heroic answer, the perfect reply, but I didn't need the right answer. I wanted the real one.

"You've been lying to me the whole time I've known you! You could've told me! I would've understood!"

"And then watch someone come and target you so that they could get to me?"

"Smallville, look back on our time together. I got in trouble with or without your help!"

"It could've been worse."

Exhaling, I crossed my arms over my chest and took a few steps toward him. I was flying through my emotions. But one. One emotion was still fresh and new.

"All that time together," I had to take a shaky breath. "I…we were….This past year…why didn't you tell me?"  
For just a second, I could've sworn he looked as hurt as I was.

"I wanted to tell you. So many times, but you wanted Superman. Not Clark Kent." He gripped the back of his neck. "It wasn't right, Lois. I thought I could save you, but I can't keep myself away from you. Not as Superman. Not as Clark."

Silence, thick and charged walked between us as I made up my mind. I loved Superman. I knew that. Smallville? I stared at him, and I thought back to the days when he'd been mooning over Lana and I'd been kicking up dust trying to make him forget. We'd been so close, hadn't we, before Chloe's wedding? That was over two years ago, long years ago, and neither of us were the same.

"Get out."

Something about him audibly unhinged and he moved just a fraction forward.

"No! Leave me alone!"

I could've just held up a hand but I had to move closer to him, make him feel my anger so he would know beyond a doubt that I didn't forgive him for breaking my heart, lying, not trusting me.

"You lied to me! You, you, made me think I meant something! And then you do this! I trusted you more than anyone else in the world!"

"Lois, I – ."

"What!? What could you possibly have to say to me now!?"

"I love you."

I cracked. It was just too much, too soon, too wanted. He picked up my moment of weakness and grabbed my shoulders as he peered down at me.

"I'm sorry for lying to you. I'll never do it again. Just don't do this, Lois." His hands raked through my hair and surrounded my skull so I couldn't look away. "I'm an idiot. I know it. Don't run away from me."

How had we gotten here? Me, in love with an alien who was none other than the farmboy from Smallville. Him, in love with a woman who'd been the thorn in his side since she first saw him. Was it too much? Were we too far gone in ourselves to be with each other?

"You're the only one who makes me belong," he whispered.

That was the point I resigned myself to one simple fact: I loved him. I didn't want to, but I did. And it felt absolutely right. My hands slowly met his chest and gripped the extra fabric just like I always did with his red cape.

"_Lois_ and _Clark_?"

His expression picked up and his head dipped lower cautiously.

"Has a nice ring, doesn't it?"

"Just the Lois part."

When he smiled, I wondered how I'd never seen it. Had I been high this entire time?

"And my first act as your girlfriend will be to get you a better disguise."


	6. Chapter 6

_Title: L. L. K.  
_

_Spoilers: Well, I always say for all eps past and future._

_A/N: Upped the rating for this chapter. So, smut warning...I suppose.  


* * *

  
_

6.

"My back hurts," I groaned, securing the white towel around my waist as I emerged from the shower.

Clark watched me, his eyes never wavering from my form as I brushed my damp hair and began to spread lotion on my skin. He was brooding, I could tell. His forehead was wrinkled, his elbows propped on his knees looked tired, and his eyes seemed to be staring straight through me.

I had a feeling it had something to do with today. Honestly, I knew it was about today. Slapping the lid back onto the half empty bottle of lotion, I stared straight back at The Man of Steel.

"Earth to Smallville!"

His head shook, waking himself from a stupor nearly, and I sighed.

"You want to tell me what you're thinking before you burn a whole through our apartment wall?"

"I…" his fingers slackened, "I wasn't there for you."

"It's not your fault some madman taped a bomb to the Senator's office."

"I should have been there. Not Bruce."

"The facts are these, Clark Kent. The League needed you in Columbia. The Senator's interview was supposed to be boring and dull. A bomb exploded. No one was killed thanks to Bruce's quick thinking."

I watched him stand, a purpose in his stride as he came to me, reaching for my willing hands and drawing me up so that our bodies were pressed against each other. His lips quirked upwards for a few seconds.

"Singing his praises, aren't you?"

"Well, he is my secret lover."

"Ah," he clicked his tongue. "That explains the looks he's always giving you."

"I _am_ amazing, but he doesn't have a thing for me."

Scoffing, his hands began to rub circles on my back.

"It's obvious to everyone but you, Miss Lane."

"Are you jealous?" I smiled.

"What? No, he doesn't stand a chance."

"I don't know," I sighed resignedly, leaning up on my tiptoes as my arms wrapped around his neck. "He's quite the male specimen, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind showing me what I'm…_missing_."

Tighter, his grip on me suddenly increased as his eyes darkened considerably. My breath caught, and he noticed it. A smirk graced his lips and I nearly frowned it off until I realized he was walking me backwards towards our bed. My knees met the edge.

"Clark?"

His eyes never left mine as he unbuttoned his dark blue shirt, unveiling the white t-shirt he wore underneath and not the Superman costume I was so accustomed to glimpsing. I swallowed when he tossed both shirts to the floor and left his bare chest in front of me. I didn't want to get excited, not if he was going to change his mind again. We'd had this discussion before, countless times and always ending with the same answer: Maybe, one day, when it's safe.

"What are you doing, Clark?"

The next thing to fall were his slacks, barely a whisper down his legs as he stepped out of them and kicked them to the side. His expression kept me glued to my spot, watching him critically as his hands grazed the top edge of the towel before grasping the folded material and undoing the simple lock. Losing its tension, the white cloth remained in his hands, a barrier only because of him. I breathed deep as my skin became exposed, inch by inch, lower and lower, pausing when he'd freed my breasts and faltering only when the tops of my hips were covered and I knew there was only one step left.

That's where I stopped him, surprising him by sliding my fingers into the waistband of his boxers. I stared up at him, catching the increased breathing and slight pink in his cheeks, but his eyes. They were so dark, penetrating, and it left no doubt as to what he was planning. My hands slipped lower, feeling the bare skin of his smooth hips with fingers taunting him in circular patterns.

Before I knew it we were lying on the bed, flesh to flesh in every possible direction, his lips on mine and devouring me whole. I felt his hands move to my throat, collarbones, the dip where they met at the jugular notch, and his mouth followed the journey. Cupping my breasts, his lips paused and I felt the motion of a smile form as I arched my back slightly. My patience, or lack of it, was not going to be humbled.

Closing over a nipple, I couldn't help but thread my fingers in his hair, savoring the taste of his wet mouth against my skin and his tongue dancing across the too sensitive flesh. It seemed like hours before he moved lower, hands trailing softly down my sides and holding my hips firmly in place when he breathed at the warm junction.

I wasn't going to make it. We could do this some other time because I just couldn't wait another second. Not after believing for so long this day might never come.

"No," I said forcefully, feeling his body stop motionlessly with the energy of a windup coil twisted to the absolute breaking point. Grabbing his hands, I eased his confusion by smiling, pulling him forward and over my heated body. He was breathing hard, so hard, and I nearly fluttered my eyelids when one of his hands released itself from mine and traveled back down to the space where my clit was throbbing for him.

Not about to be outdone, I circled the base of his penis, enjoying the choking sound he made into my mouth and letting my hand run up and down the length of him several times.

I came. Not even a minute of his ministrations, and I was panting when his body slightly pulled away.

"Lo," he breathed, "you have," he reached down to free my hand from him, not that it helped his concentration much, or mine. "You have to tell me when to stop. I don't – you _have_ to say it."

It terrified him, I knew, and I could see it. But I wasn't worried. He would never hurt me.

"Now, Clark. Now."

A second's hesitation passed through him but he was already over the edge, just like I was, and he settled between my legs, shifting his weight so I only felt a pressure above me. His eyes never left mine as he entered me, slowly and carefully until he was buried fully inside me. The first thrust was gentle, a near loving stroke that forced me to bite my lip as his teeth snapped together. I met him, urging his hips to move faster, harder, and he let me guide him with my silent and physical commands.

My hands dug into the skin and muscle of his arms when I began to feel a tightness overwhelm me. He could sense it, hear in my heartbeat as it raced in anticipation for the ending note. Swollen lips of mine said his name as one last thrust of our hips finished me, the muscles inside me contracting around him and causing him to moan against my hair. His body kept moving over mine, surely banishing me to insanity, until the last second when he came, a last hit that we both gasped at.

* * *

His hand slung across my waist, I played with the fingers there as I turned my head towards his closed eyes. I'd never seen him tired, but the circles under his eyes made me wonder if he was exhausted. It was almost comical, that I, Lois Lane, was as dangerous as a handful of Green Kryptonite.

"How was that possible?" I whispered.

With a simple shrug of his shoulder, "I went to someone who thought he could help."

"Who?"

"Do you really want to know?"

I pictured all the doctors and scientists we knew, and while I honestly did want to know, I didn't think I'd ever be able to look at whoever helped him with his ejaculatory muscles, the same. Mystery was always a good thing anyways. I skipped the answer to ask another question I knew I needed an answer to.

"What changed your mind?"

"You."

_Of course_, he nearly added, and I believed it really was that simple. Matching my breathing to his, or maybe his to mine, I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep beside him.


	7. Chapter 7

_Title: L. L. K.  
_

_Spoilers: Well, I always say for all eps past and future._

_A/N: Thank you.  


* * *

_

7

I fell to the sofa, covering my mouth with my hand as I watched the destruction unfold and magnify itself by a thousand. California – the end of spring and the coming of summer coupled with a mudslide that was clearing the upper coast in the aftermath of an earthquake that had demolished the southern end. He was there with everyone else from the League, rescuing those that would otherwise be doomed.

I saw him in the muddy current, the handheld camera shaky and doing him no justice as he became an unmoving force, taking what he could to keep the water and earth back so Diana and Bart could save the lives caught in their vehicles. That's when the rain started and another quake shook the land.

-

Long hours later, my notes littering the coffee table in front of the television set, I paced across the room with my hands caught in the other. Even with the help of the superheroes, there'd been too much destruction for every life to be found, saved. Fourteen hundred thirty five people were still stuck in the mud, sucked up into the crust, fallen into the ocean. The entire coast was gone, absolutely vanished. The news team reported it as the most devastating natural disaster to hit Earth. I knew it could have been worse, much worse, and I knew he would bear the weight of it on his shoulders. He always did.

A grunt broke through my pacing and what followed was a loud wind that threw my papers to the floor, whispering against the carpet until there was silence and him standing loosely in front of the window. His eyes were red, tired, matching the tattered cape barely attached to the neck of his suit. The diamond housing his S was cut, exposing the flesh underneath. It matched the multiple cuts along both his legs – even his boots looked ready to peel off. I stepped forward, ready to give all of myself to him.

He stopped me, two boots stepping backward needing to be my only warning.

"I'm dirty," his hoarse voice claimed.

It made no difference to me. My clothes could be washed, thrown away. I shook my head as I ignored his upheld hand and imploring eyes to stay away. My hands touched his face, the mud dried against his skin, rough against the soft flesh of my palms. His eyes closed and I nearly choked on what I could only describe as a pain so deep, it crushed me. But I would take it. For him, so he wouldn't be alone in this.

My thumbs swept across his cheeks and he breathed in deep. I came closer to him, smelling the earth and rain clinging to him. The fabric of his suit fit between my fingers as I reached around his neck and began to disassemble the red cape. His hands woke from their sleep and finished deftly what I had started clumsily. He was naked then, seconds later.

"I'm sorry, Lois."

The space was gone again as I came to him, grabbing the sides of his neck between my hands.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

He shook his head, eyes tearing up and the salty water spilling over onto his dirty cheeks. It was the culmination of the year's heartaches: Martha's cancer, Lex's reemergence into the world, Chloe's untimely death. In his mind, all his fault, all a consequence of his actions.

"I love you," I whispered, leaning on my tiptoes to kiss him on his mouth.

He clung to me like I was the last string left connected to the world, and I held onto him like he was the last hope of my existence. I led him to the bathroom and turned the shower on before stripping my clothes off. His finger grazed across my side and I sucked in a breath. Another hand full of fingers traced my collarbone so lightly I had to look down to feel his force. His eyes closed. His body stilled. I waited for what was next, unsure of anything at this point.

"You heart," he finally said, barely audible over the running water. His eyes found mine with a slight wonder. "I heard your heart the whole time."

I smiled up at him and took his hand. The water rushed over us. It washed away the dirt in his hair, cleansed him of the smell of death, covered us both with warmth. He kissed me again, this time with renewed energy and a need that I knew would never run away.

-

I thought he was sleeping as I ran my fingers through his dark head of hair settled over my stomach. I breathed in. He breathed in. I'd read somewhere before that touching someone long enough would make your hearts beat in sync. His arms around my hips tightened and his face turned into my abdomen before a breath exhaled.

"I don't deserve you."

I twisted a lock of his hair around my finger as I smiled.

"The General would agree."

He groaned into my skin and brought his head tight against me.

"I forgot about the dinner. He hates me."

"Don't take it personally. He hates everybody."

"Especially me."

I couldn't suppress the chuckle. "Especially you." His shoulders slumped and I sighed. "I gave you a good excuse."

"What?"

"You were out saving the world."

"I bet he liked that."

"Oh, he had a good laugh."

"He's going to kill me, isn't he?"

"He wants to, but don't worry. I won't let him hurt you."

I finally got something resembling a laugh from him and he shifted his body upwards until I was underneath him, caged in by his elbows and his hair shying in my face. His eyes roved over my face slowly.

"I don't deserve you."

"I don't deserve you," I mimicked.

His hands surrounded my skull and I thought he was going to burn a hole through me by the way he was staring at me.

"I love you," he said softly.

If I'd have known what was coming in the next year, I would have made sure he knew I still needed him to be Clark, not just Superman.


	8. Chapter 8

_Title: L. L. K.  
_

_Spoilers: Well, I always say for all eps past and future._

_A/N: Thank you.  


* * *

_

8.

It was, honestly, the hardest thing I'd ever done. I packed the necessities, thrown into a suitcase as the television station covered Superman's newest exploit in Nicaragua. A smile stole across my face, tired and sad, when I saw an older woman wipe a towel over his dirty cheeks. This was his role, his destiny, and I was so proud of him.

-

He was late. No surprise there. Checking my watch, I shifted my feet and listened as the street lights turned on in quick succession of thoughtful buzzes as the day turned to dark. Maybe I didn't want him to show. I'd would be easier in the short term even though he'd find me in a second, but I didn't have to remind myself that I wasn't 'that' girl. No Lana Lang tidbit here.

"A darkened alley? Lois, I thought I…."

_No_. My eyes blinked before I turned to face him, his shoulder casually leaning against the brick wall of the apartment complex. His black tie was slightly askew, the dark blue dress shirt tucked neatly into his black slacks and his glasses perched perfectly on his nose. He looked so normal, so mine, and he reached for me.

_God, no_, my mind shouted, a hand raised with palm towards him so he couldn't get me into his arms and break my determination. Confusion settled between his brows and I begged myself to change my mind. It wasn't bad, our life.

"What's wrong, Lois? Are you hurt?"

_Yes, __Clark__, and it's because of you. It's your fault. It's mine._

"I'm leaving."

"What? Did Perry give you a story?"

"No," my voice was so thick.

"Then," he looked so lost. "Where are you going?"

I went towards him, drawn to his voice and wanting to make him better, wanting him to forgive me. I grabbed the edges of his black jacket, the teeth of the zipper marking the flesh of my palms as I pushed him back against the bricks. I didn't want to do this. He was my world, the silly cliché that I hated, but he had failed me when I needed him the most. How could I think the same of him when he wouldn't comfort me as my father died, for of all things, the survival of the human race and one Kryptonian?

"Lois?"

I loved him too much.

Before he twisted my insides, I pressed my lips to his and forced my body to meet his so that I could feel every inch of him and burn it into my memory while I was away. His mouth was warm, wet, inviting, and I was going to taste as much as I could. I moaned when his tongue stroked mine and then sucked on it with a possession that nearly weakened my knees. Strong hands, his hands, placed on a hip and my back, pulled me even closer to him. This was perfection, a comfort that drew me home, a love that made me feel like I was the light of someone else's world when everything became dark.

I wanted him so badly.

"I'm so sorry," I mouthed during a quick break as my lips hovered over his, my eyes contacting with his. "I'm sorry." Before he could say anything I kissed him again, holding onto his lower lip before pulling away as well as I could with his iron grip around me.

"What - ."

"I love you." My hands went to catch his face. "Don't look for me."

The utter surprise was the only reason I escaped his arms, and it wasn't until I reached my car that I realized I'd been gently crying for nearly the entire time.

I needed him forever.

-

The first night was the hardest, sleeping without him and knowing I'd broken his heart. There was a rustle outside my hotel room and I wondered if it was him, keeping an eye on me, needing to be close to me like he'd told me for the longest time. My eyes closed but not in sleep, thick with thoughts of what had led me here.

My father – fighting for a world, for his daughter and her happiness. Dying alone. So alone.

My Clark – fighting for the whole world, ignoring my pleas for him. Saving with friends. Leaving me alone.

He'd left me behind, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. All the times he'd told me to call for him and he would be there if he could, but he didn't come when I needed the love of my life to hold me and gather my tears into his shirt. For the world, I knew. It was always for the world, but just that once, couldn't it have been for me, Lois Lane?


	9. Chapter 9

_Title: L. L. K.  
_

_Spoilers: Well, I always say for all eps past and future._

_A/N: Thank you.  


* * *

_

9.

There were many nights when I wished I'd never left. It'd been so long since I'd felt his arms around me that I was sure I had dreamed the whole thing. I kept the newspapers in my hotel rooms and even though every time I saw his face plastered somewhere it burned a piece of my heart, I couldn't stop myself from being as close to him as I could let myself.

Perry asked me once during those eight months, why I was doing this. Clark was miserable, the light gone from his eyes and his insufferable optimism lacking in the newsroom. He was worried, about the both of us, about his favorite dynamic duo. I hadn't been able to give him an answer. As time went on, I couldn't even give myself an answer.

-

The year after the General's death brought me to the army base in Nevada. The last place he'd been stationed at, he'd actually spoken to me of retiring and living in the state. I'd buried him there, Clark beside me. Four months later I'd left all my memories in this country and stared straight ahead to all other continents but northern America.

I caught him up on my adventures, sitting on the grass in my slacks and white shirt. It was a long conversation, and then there was silence as I fought to say what I'd wanted to say for the longest time.

"Thank you, daddy." I took in a deep breath and ran a finger along the bottom of the headstone. "You never even thought twice about doing what had to be done and Clark knew he could count on you. I wish you could've known…how much of a hero he really was." I tried a laugh and it sounded stuck. "Of course, if you're up in Heaven and we both know you would've stormed in either way, you must think I'm an idiot for leaving him. And I am. I just," my eyes closed. "All my life I've been the second thought. And with Clark, I…I wasn't. For a while at least." I picked at the grass with my fingers. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out for this life, daddy. He needs someone who's strong enough to help him stand, and I don't think I'm that woman."

"You're the only woman, Lois."

Faster than a blink I turned my head. He was there. Glasses, dress shirt, slacks, ugly tie. I wanted to jump up and slam into his body. I wanted to kiss him and never let him go again. I couldn't move.

He walked closer until he was just inches away. I craned my neck up following him and then he knelt down on his knees. There was so much hesitation in his body that I didn't believe this was my Clark. The question in his eyes was so loud I almost imagined it was the only thought that ran through his mind at any given moment. But he had many more worries bigger than this, than me.

"What are you doing here?"

"I followed you."

Annoyance flared through me, habit by now.

"Why?"

"I love you, Lois."

"So you became a stalker?"

"I didn't want anything bad to happen to you."

"I can take care of myself."

"I like taking care of you."

"You have bigger things to worry about."

"No," he shook his head. "I don't."

I nearly believed him. My heart was begging my brain to let go.

"Don't be silly, Clark. There's –."

A single finger pressed against my lips and I stopped, the touch electrifying me and causing my cells to shock the other until I was tingling everywhere.

"Every life I save is you. Every enemy I help defeat is someone who can't hurt you." His hands shakily met the sides of my face and I felt the tremble through his body. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, Lois."

"There are more important things."

"Not to you."

"I'm just a blip, Clark. In the grand scheme of things, that's it."

"Don't ever say that about yourself," his voice commanded. "You're the heart of me, Lois Lane. Without you, I'm not half the hero I could be. Losing you, losing you has made me see that."

"Clark," I sighed, nearly on the verge of tears. "I can't."

"You're the only one who can. You're the only person in this world who holds me completely in their hand. You're the only one who makes it bearable. No one else."

"God, did you get that off a commercial?"

He fought a smile. "Pretty much. Did it work?"

My hands found their way to cover his wrists and I couldn't imagine life without this any longer. I'd been gone far too long from home and I knew it. I loved him so much. But was it enough?

"I promise to be better," he whispered, as if I was still on the wavering fence. "Come home with me." He swallowed. "Marry me."

The world stood still. Me? Mrs. Lois Lane Kent. Mrs. Superman. It was so much responsibility, sacrifice. And that's when I knew my destiny was so intertwined with his they were nearly the same, and I was tired of fighting it.

"Okay."

Had he really thought there'd be any other answer? I saw the shock on his face and kissed him. I kissed him like I'd kissed him in my dreams. He'd come for me. He'd given himself to me. And I would just have to keep remembering there's a reason I could share him with the world – Love.

He pulled away and I frowned. His eyes slid toward the marker with Sam Lane's name on it.

"Even in death he scares me, Lois."

"That's so…pitiful, Smallville."

I smiled. He smiled with a barely visible eye roll.

"Lois, I've unbelievably missed you."

"I know. Now let's get married."

"Ah, what?"

I stood, jerking him by his hand and then wiping my backside for stray grass.

"I kind of remember you asking me to marry you and me saying yes."

"Uh," he blinked and I nearly laughed. "You mean _now_? Right now?"

I began walking away. "Unless you would like to take back your proposal?"

"No." Smallville grabbed my hand and jerked me strongly to his body. If I hadn't been so happy I'd have punched him. "You're not getting away again, Lane. I just figured you'd want a real wedding."

"I do. But we _are_ a couple hundred miles from Las Vegas and we _can_ always have a traditional ceremony."

Swinging me up into his arms, he kissed me.

"Grab my glasses, Miss Lane. We're going flying."


	10. Chapter 10

_Title: L.L.K._

_Spoilers: Overly cautious, I'll say all episodes are fair game._

_A/N: I'm back to updating! To explain my absence, my muse became more enamored with graphic making than story telling.  
Which leads me to pimping myself: If you'd like to see what I've been working on, you can go to "enigmaflliction" at livejournal for some arts.  
_

10.

He turned green. Literally, and so I glanced around the kitchen for green kryptonite. After securing the room, I was pretty sure he was on the verge of feinting and because I wasn't about to deal with replacing the tile again, I took hold of his arm and sat him down in a chair. Honestly, if I hadn't been so worried about his reaction I would've been cracking some Man of Steel jokes about his slackened lips, wide eyes, and cockeyed brows.

"Earth to Smallville!"

His hand, so much larger than mine, grasped my wrist blindly as he searched my face frantically. At this point, I was about to meet my own hysteria breaking point and either slap him or run away.

"Smallville, what's wrong!?"

"Are you," he frowned. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I _was_. Now you're freaking me out. What's going on?"

Grip loosening on my flesh, his look fell from my face to my stomach and stayed there. Having eaten a large breakfast, I pulled my blouse lower to my hips. I'm still a self-conscious woman.

"Lois," he breathed and sought my gaze again. The look on his face made me want to toss that large meal into the nearby sink. This was it – one of those life or death missions he was going to have to lead and possibly sacrifice himself for. I steeled myself.

"You're pregnant."

I laughed in his face. And then I feinted.

-

Opening my eyes I saw him stop mid pace in our bedroom and before I could blink he was lying beside me, hands cupping my cheeks so softly I barely felt them. He just looked at me for the longest time, more love pouring out from him than I thought was possible and I nearly told him to stop being stupid. After all, we weren't _that_ couple. But I didn't say a word either, my hand unconsciously crawling from my side to my still flat belly.

I saw his concern instantly, mixed with tangible worry and even fear. I knew it had to with the baby, or me, or even himself, and it was all understandable. However, he needed to snap out of it since I was the one carrying an alien inside me.

"You didn't use your x-ray vision did you? Because if you did so help me – ."

"What? No! And it's not ionizing radiation anyways." His hands squeezed the sides of my cheeks and I bet I looked like a fish, a very attractive fish. "I was listening for your heartbeat…and then there was another one."

His eyes flickering to my stomach, I couldn't help but feel complete. We'd done it. Something that had never seemed possible was suddenly real. I flinched in surprise, and boy did he notice. The invulnerable body beside me stilled so tightly that I waited for him to break to pieces at the slightest touch or breath of wind.

"Are you okay with this, Clark?"

It hadn't occurred to me until then that maybe this real being was more than he wanted, another war he wouldn't have time for. I held my breath, sure that he loved me enough to stand by me, but still Lois Lane enough to second guess myself where it concerned him.

"Are you?"

"Yes," I smiled loosely, not wanting to guilt him into anything.

He grinned, those two perfect row of white teeth highlighted by those near dimples in his cheeks that made him look like he was four. It seemed stupid, my dubious fear of his rejection, as he leaned down and kissed my fish lips.

-

I hated him. True story. Front page news. It had been cute at first, the over protectiveness, but four months later it was old, very old. He could go off and save the world but I had to stay at home or work inside The Planet where even Perry had taken a side against me.

Hearing a rustle of papers I knew he had come in the window. I slammed the refrigerator door as I saw him.

"How you feeling, Lo?"

"The same as this morning, and lunch, and two hours ago when you left me."

"Are you still mad at me?"

Of course not. I was pissed, livid, incensed. I was off limits where his powers were concerned and it wasn't fair.

"You know I don't want to risk hurting the baby, Lois."

"Yep."

"Lois," he sighed.

"Kent," I snapped, turning and poking a finger at his 'S' covered chest. "Four months! I haven't run with you, flown, or even had sex. I'm cranky!"

He surprised me then. Superman, Clark Kent, my husband, lifted me onto the kitchen table and kissed me with a passion that literally took my breath away. It didn't take me long to respond back, sucking on his tongue and taking his lower lip hostage with my gentle teeth. I smiled as he stopped breathing for one point two seconds. My fingers ran through his dark hair to pull his head closer to me before turning to his outfit and trying to rid him of it. He'd already unbuttoned my shirt and was in the process of unhooking my awful bra when he suddenly stopped moving with a groan.

"Lois," he breathed against the top of my breasts, his forehead leaning against my heart and his hands running up and down my thighs. "I can't. What if…."

My shoulders dropped as I realized I'd lost once again. That's when the tears started, my damn rollercoaster set of hormones hitting its peak.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he moved up to my ear and let his arms surround me. "Please, I'm so sorry, Lo."

"No you're not," I nearly wailed.

"I love you."

Apparently, this pregnant woman thought that was good enough and finally began to quiet down as I gained control of the flood emerging from my tearducts.

"Please, Clark, something. Give me something."

"Isn't my love enough?"

"No."

He chuckled and I could feel it moving our bodies. It made me smile into his shoulder.

"Just a few more months."

"Liar."

"This boy scout never lies."

"You won't even take me for one little flight?"

"Lois," he warned. I didn't listen.

"Not fast, or high, or risky. Just…a slow cruise."

"What about – ."

"The kid'll be fine." I made sure to catch his face in my hands. "One time. All I'm asking is for one little time…or I'll be forced to ask Bruce for a pseudo flight and you _know_ he can't say no to me."

"You wouldn't."

I didn't have to reply. He knew I would. Clark exhaled and rolled his eyes in that special way he held for me before redoing the buttons he'd expertly undone.

"One time. And we're floating right over the balcony. That's it."

Smiling wide, I held out my arms for him and as he picked me up, I wondered if he knew just how much trouble he'd bargained for. I wasn't the type of girl to give up after all, and I made up my own personal mission as we stepped outside. He'd be blushing by the time I got through with him.


	11. Chapter 11

_Title: L.L.K._

_Spoilers: All episodes_

_A/N: Thanks!

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11.

Six months, two weeks, and three days. I poked at my distended belly with a careful finger.

"He's not going to eat you, Lois."

"_She_ could. And I thought we agreed on no peeking?"

Clark dropped the bags of take out food on the coffee table in front of me and I perked up quite a bit. With a chuckle he sat beside me and then groaned, watching me scarf down the first box of Chinese food. I rolled a few noodles around my chopstick and held it out for him. He still wasn't used to it – me sharing any food, but for the past two weeks I'd been a completely happy pregnant woman.

"I didn't peek, Lois. You're carrying low. Isn't that what they say? A boy?"

"An old wives' tale, Smallville. We're not on the farm anymore so it doesn't apply."

"The animals would be scared if we were."

I turned my head slowly with a glare reserved for him and his snarky comments about my generous appetite.

"Listen, Mr. Alien, I - ."

"Intergalactic traveler."

"_Alien_, maybe it's time you make yourself comfortable on this sofa…permanently."

"There's cookie dough ice cream in the freezer when you're ready for dessert."

I hated that intergalactic traveler with a passion. I just happened to love the food more.

"Have I told you," I swallowed my food. "How much I love you?"

"Not since I said you looked like a Mac Truck this morning."

-

I dreamt of our child that night. First a boy and then a girl, a nice blend of the both me and Clark in one powerful bundle. As a boy, he'd had Clark's smile, charming and absolutely adorable and hard to resist when he innocently lied. He followed me around all the time, wanted to fly with his father every night before bed, and always had to sleep with Superman's cape beside him. As a girl, she'd been shy, completely her father's side with blue eyes and a calm disposition. She loved Whitesnake with me and our sing-a-longs even got Daddy involved though he proclaimed to hate it. She loved to dance on his feet.

When I woke up at 4:32, I knew. I knew before he did.

I knew and I cried for Clark who immediately flicked on a light and asked me what was wrong before he saw the deep red staining the cinnamon brown of our sheets and covers. What happened next was a blur, literally. I wound up leaving our bed for a hospital one, the machines beeping around me and announcing my blood pressure,

We waited.

Out of surgery, praying that everything was okay and that the baby would pull through in an incubator so far away from me, so small, so young, so not ready.

Hopeful, because surely, the Kryptonian inside would ensure survival, but doubtful since we were here.

-

"_Clark?"_

_He held my hand tighter and stared at me the entire time. We didn't know what to expect, what the doctors would do if our baby entered this world with full blown powers._

"_Here! Out! Okay! You Kent's have a beautiful daughter."_

_Clark looked away for the first time and I looked to where the nurses had whisked her away to a small table and were trying to help her breathe. _

"_Our daughter," he mouthed, a hint of a smile at the very corner of his lips._

_When he turned back to me, I tried to smile for him, to believe. But my kid was out there, alone._

-

The moment the miracle died, I saw it. Clark's face darkened like I'd never seen it, his eyes closing as he lost a light that had been burning so bright these past months. There was no doubt in my belief, not when he had been listening to the heartbeat of his daughter and tapping his thumb along the back of my hand in sync with it. The hand clasping mine went sickly limp. I saw him break, and I turned my head away from him, weeping softly for the loss of a life that would've been so amazing to see.

His arm reached across my chest as he slid onto the bed beside me, softly and gingerly so as not to hurt me more. I barely felt it, too wrapped up in an 'almost.' His chin fit into the crook of my neck and I cried harder then, feeling his strength holding me up.

"Lois," he swallowed hard and his voice was suddenly hoarse. "I'm sorry." His chin dipped farther. "I'm sorry." His lips got closer to my skin and breathed on me. "God, I'm sorry." A wetness slipped down my cheek that wasn't my own.

-

My fingers absently ran through his tousled hair. His even breathing tickled the skin of my chest that was exposed under the thin hospital gown. I watched as his eyelashes fluttered slightly in his sleep, maybe dreaming of flying, flying with his family. Iron like arms wrapped tighter around my chest and even though it was uncomfortable, I let him have it.

The Man of Steel needed someone stronger this time, and I was the only one able to hold him up. We were alone for now, no friends or family feeding us words of condolences and wishes. Our grief was our own, deep and dark, alive only in front of the other.

His lips whispered my name. An apology followed.

"Hush, Clark Kent," I breathed against his hair. "I love you."


	12. Chapter 12

_Title: L.L.K._

_Spoilers: All episodes

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12.

Doomsday….

I'd thought the worst was behind us. Our world, which had tilted on its axis a year ago, had slowly reconvened its place. I remembered Clark's hands were always touching my skin, my clothes, my things. It was like he was afraid of losing me like he'd lost his parents and his child. And it should have been me. I should have been the one making sure his spot in my world would always be there, but I hadn't, because he was Superman and Superman was invincible.

* * *

Everything happened fast. It was the end of the world, and I was watching it burn. It was the first time I was afraid. The monster was matching him hit for hit, and Clark was losing. All I could do was wait, which I'd become very good at when it came to him.

* * *

Holding him in my arms, he was heavy. He'd never been so before.

He stopped moving, and I didn't stop crying his name into his skin and running my hand through his hair. He stopped breathing and it didn't mean anything because he didn't need air.

His very life slipped between my hands, my puny little human hands. The closer I held his skin, the more that seeped out, and there was nothing I could do. I was helpless. I didn't know how to do helpless.

"He needs me! He needs me!"

And I meant, 'I need him! I need him!'

* * *

They were…dark days. In the beginning, he wasn't dead. He was my husband and he was out saving the world. I slept in his clothes, dragged his cape around my shoulders. Then the day of the funeral came and Clark's superhero camera shy face stared at me above his casket. I had never envisioned a life where Clark didn't exist. I didn't know how to work in this new world. For once, I wasn't the strong Lois. I broke into the arms of Oliver and Bruce, and they made sure every piece left of myself was taken back to our apartment. My soul was on fire and nothing could tamper it. No amount of comforting or sympathy could replace the emptiness that took over me.

I loved him. I loved him so much and what was I supposed to do with that love now?

For a long while, I wasn't left alone. I thought about quitting the paper and becoming a crazy old hermit. I lost too much weight. I imagined I saw my father on the street. And I talked to Clark, everyday. The first time I went to his grave I was there nearly the whole day. I was lying on the grass when Oliver walked up, and after that we both stayed until the crickets chirped and the moon fell.

"You know I'm here, Lois. Whenever you need me."

I kept counting the same barely visible stars in the darkening sky. He'd been saying that from the beginning; so had everyone else. It wasn't that I was ungrateful, I just had nothing to say. Lois Lane, the woman who usually had a say about everything, had gone silent. Everyone feared for the worst.

His shoulder pressed against mine and I finally turned my head to look at him. What if it were Dinah? Would he listen to me? Would he disappear like I felt like I wanted to?

"He's still here, Ollie." My eyes closed. "You know how people talk about their foot aching, but they don't have one anymore? That's Clark." I opened my eyes and he was closer. "He's my phantom limb. And I feel him _here_ and it hurts so much. It hurts so much I can barely think about anything else."

"Lois...."

I turned my face back to the sky.

"I'm all alone now."

"No, you're not, Lois. I will be here for you always."

"That's what Clark said too."

* * *

It never got easier. It just became a little less unbearable. I went back to work, hungry as ever, and on the surface, life went on. Perry always kept an eye on me – and I pretended like I didn't know it. I really tried, to be that woman Clark fell in love with again because I knew he'd want me to keep my spark. I couldn't, though. It was nearly the anniversary and the world became inundated with memories of Superman.

Everyone else lost a hero. I lost my family.

* * *

The hardest thing next to losing Clark and the baby, was being bombarded by men proclaiming to be Superman. I really wanted to believe one of them, any of them. My life would have made sense again and I could have breathed again. The fifth imposter came along and I was tired of it all. I wanted him, them, away from me and my dreams. I asked him what made him different from the other heroes proclaiming to be Superman. I was sure the answer would be vague, but he answered with Clark's favorite movie.

The words "To Kill a Mockingbird" had never been met with so much hope. I very nearly felt relief, because maybe my sorrow was over. I didn't; I wasn't born yesterday.

But it _was_ him. He was alive! And he was beside me and breathing and warm and alive. I felt his lips on mine and all the pieces of me that had been left where he died suddenly found me and I was the woman who fell in love with him again.

It didn't hurt anymore.

* * *

I tried not to take for granted our life again. It wasn't too hard. We had a long line of villains in our future. We had each other.


	13. Chapter 13

_Title: L.L.K_

_Spoilers: All episodes_

_A/N: Two chapters left :)

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13.

And then we had Chris. He fell into my life, sort of like Clark did. I was terrified when Clark brought him home, proclaiming the government would no longer torture the boy like some Kryptonian animal. This was a kid, and I had no expertise, or patience. It was a good thing Clark was a natural at being a father.

He wrapped an arm loosely around my waist as he smiled at Chris who was concentrating on burning a face onto a pumpkin. I couldn't help but think there was some kind of inside story, but I was a little too content myself to ask. The air was warm and the farm was still homey even after living in Metropolis for so long.

"He's getting better," I declared.

"At least he's not splattering me with it anymore."

"Speaking of which," I reached up and picked a few bits of burnt pumpkin in his hair.

He smiled down at me, and it was a moment that stayed with me in my dreams a long time. Because he seemed so…peaceful, and not since our baby's heart stopped beating had I seen that look on his face.

"You look good now," I whispered, and I hadn't meant to say it out loud. I thought maybe he wouldn't recognize the statement for what it was, and in the early years, he wouldn't have. But we were older and we'd changed in the same directions. His smile softened along with his brows, and he brought his hand to my chin.

"I never thought we'd get to have this, Lois. I'm alive. You still love me. We have Chris, a…son I think. And I get to give him something I never had growing up:experience. I _am _good."

The man certainly had a way with words when he wanted to use them. And Chris finally had a way with his powers as he whooped in the air and drew our attention.

"I did it! Look! Look! Clark, Lois, look!"

I was proud, proud in a way I'd never been, and it was then that I realized we really did have a son. He was ours, and even though I didn't know what I was doing, it would be fine. We had a second at all this life after all.

"Lois, look!" Chris yelled.

* * *

The smell of smoke and fire greeted me as I walked into the apartment. And there was Christopher Kent picking up pieces of the island counter in the kitchen.

"What the he- crap happened to my kitchen?"

The boy refused to look at me and kept throwing good sized chunks of wood into the trash can.

"Chris? What happened?"

"I'll clean it up, Lois."

"I know you will. But you need to tell me why my kitchen is broken."

His face was red. His mouth was tight. My anger vented out as I saw a tear fall. I threw my bag down, pulled my hair up, and took off my jacket before grabbing a broom and dustpan. I swept the ash and he emptied the pan into the trash, eyes never meeting mine. An hour later we'd cleaned the whole damn kitchen and there was a gaping sore in the middle of the floor.

He twirled the broom in his hand. He was waiting for the rebuke, the lecture. We'd had many of these, but usually with Clark. Clark was good at this sort of thing. I wasn't.

"I'm sorry, Lois."

I sighed at his shy face and found myself sitting on the floor with my ankles crossed. Patting the floor, I waited for him to sit beside me.

"So what happened?"

"You know what happened."

"Okay, what caused it to happen, Chris? You've been so good at controlling your powers lately."

His head ducked and I bit my lip.

"Was it a girl?"

"She called me a freak!"

His eyes looked up into mine, and it was like he was bearing his soul so clearly that I wanted to look away. I thought of Clark, and how he must have spent so much of his life feeling the same as Chris. My heart broke a little.

"I don't want to be a freak, Lois. I just want to be normal! And I don't want to be Zod's son! I want to be yours."

He nearly leapt into my lap and I wrapped my arms around his small form. He was just a kid, a sweet kid, and he deserved to be normal and mine. I deserved it, too.

"If I could make you normal, I would. I would do anything for you, Chris." His hair brushed against my lips as I held him. "You are meant for greater things in this world than that silly girl could ever dream of. And you _are _Clark and mine's son. You are, in every possibly way that matters."

* * *

"Do you think he's doing okay?"

Clark twirled the ring on my finger as we lay in bed. He didn't answer me for a few beats. I knew then that he hadn't heard anything. He hadn't heard anything new in the last few months, and that didn't sit well with me.

"He's a smart kid, Lois. I think he's okay."

"I just can't help thinking, what if he's not? He's in the damn Phantom Zone. What if Ursa and Zod got to him? What if they did something horrible? What if he's cold? He's just a little boy, Clark."

"You can't think like that, Lois."

"How can I not when no one seems to know where he is?"

"Because if he were dead, or hurt, someone would know."

"Well that's comforting."

I drew my hand away. I wasn't mad at him. I was just, frustrated at not knowing. Our son was out there somewhere, and there was nothing I could do. Absolutely nothing. Then again, was there much Clark could do about it either? Hadn't he been just as torn about this as I had? I turned on my side and burrowed my face into his neck. _That _was comforting.

"I'm sorry, Clark. I just, I miss him."

"So do I, Lois." His hand stroked my arm. "I promise I'll find him."

"We never should have let him go," I whispered. "We should have been selfish and made him stay."

He sighed. I turned my neck to see him.

"Lois, we taught him too well about right and wrong. He wanted to save us. He wanted to save you."

"It's just not fair," I breathed. "We always sacrifice. Haven't we done enough?"


	14. Chapter 14

_Title: L.L.K_

_Spoilers: All eps_

_A/N: This is it! The finale. I re-worked this so many times, it's not even funny. In any case, many thanks go out to those who waited patiently for this and for my other works._

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"Clark, where are you?!"

I threw my heels off along with my jacket.

"I know you're here!"

It was silent and I walked into the living area where I spied his bare feet hanging over the arm of the sofa.

"Alright, Smallville. "

There was more silence and I leaned over the back of the couch to see why he was ignoring me. What I saw surprised me. My husband was asleep, halfway into the evening, glasses skewed so only one earpiece actually hooked over his ear, and a black pen mark on his chin. I glanced to the stack of printed papers lying over the laptop on the floor.

My eyes fell back onto his face. It was always soothing to see him so human. Which was probably why I flicked him on the nose.

"Oww."

He didn't open his eyes. I tried to flick him again, and unsurprisingly, he caught my wrist before I could.

"Lois, that hurt."

"Did not."

"It could've."

"I'll show you hurt, mister."

I waited until he opened one eye, and then I brought my body over the couch and fell onto him.

"Oooomph!"

I punched him and he laughed, wrapping an arm around me so that I lay flat against his chest. The motion of his laughter rocked against me and I was suddenly home. I righted his glasses with a smile.

"You're such a baby, Kent."

"You're a bully."

"Only because I know you happen to like it rough."

His mouth found mine, hardly gentle, and I didn't mind at all. I sat up.

"If people only knew mild mannered Clark Kent kissed like that."

He smiled before beginning to slowly unbutton my shirt.

"You wouldn't be jealous, Lois?"

"Of course not. You're not nearly as talented as you think you are."

"Didn't you just compliment my skills?"

"I must've been thinking about someone else."

"Ah, I see. So," His palms trapped my hips and then slowly rode up my sides. "This doesn't make you feel anything?"

"Absolutely not," I smiled.

"Well," he cupped my breasts and even through my bra his hands were warm. "What about this?"

"No," I breathed. "I don't think so."

"Oh, well, I guess I'm done then."

The warmth of his hands left my body to rest underneath his head. He was _not_ getting the best of me, so I shrugged my shoulders and lifted myself from his hips.

"Fine with me. I'll just go chase down that lead on the museum heist."

"Yeah?" Clark leaned over the back of the sofa as I put my shoes back on. "So you came home instead of chasing your lead down?"

"Why is that so hard to believe?"

"You're Mad Dog Lane."

"I still get called that?"

"Like you don't know, Lois. Hey, on your way back can you pick up a pretzel for me?"

----------

He kissed me in the dark of an alley, like in the beginning.

"Make you feel anything?"

I smiled and patted the S on his chest.

"It was better than my husband's."

His brow rose. "Oh, really?"

"Oh, definitely. You know Clark, shy, clumsy, awkward."

"I thought those added to his charm?"

"You think?"

"Absolutely. He's smart, honest, hard working."

"You're sticking up for Clark Kent?"

"What can I say? I feel sorry for the guy since he's married to you."

Punching his shoulder, I laughed and his lips gently caught mine again.

"Mrs. Kent," he whispered in my ear, "are you ready for me to fly you back home so we can _appropriately _ celebrate our anniversary?"

"Not yet."

He frowned.

"I believe I owe you a pretzel, Clark."

* * *

14.

At this moment in time, you are pacing the hallway with the world's leading doctors and foremost scientists. Your hair is still dark and I think you're scaring the people with that frown on your face and your hands fisted.

I don't blame you, Clark. You save people for a living, and now you're trying to save me. You are trying to cure death, and I wish you could. I could live forever by your side. I think that would have been nice. But if this is all I can have, then I'll take it. I'm nearly ninety years old and this life I've lived has been amazing. I wouldn't trade a single moment for anything in the world.

It won't be so bad, will it? You always like to complain about how many problems I cause, so now you won't have to worry about me….(You better have smiled reading that, or so help me God, I will come back and haunt your superass) But I remember my life when I lost you, and I expect the same will be for you when I leave. You wear your heart on your sleeve, Smallville. It's a good thing you'll have plenty of friends around. So listen to them.

Tell Chris I love him. I don't think he's going to make it, is he? For when I die? He's been gone with Thara so much, being Nightwing. Give him the letter I wrote him, but tell him all the same how much I am proud he is my son. It's been quite an experience what with Zod, the Phantom Zone, and then his growth spurts.

I will miss him. I will miss him, Clark. I can't believe that I'm going to leave him. You'll make sure he stays positive? You'll keep him safe. I know he's almost as powered as you are, but he's my baby. Promise you'll keep him safe.

I sound like I'm going crazy. Of course you'll keep him safe.

I hope you've liked what I've included in my journal. The beginning of our lives together seem so far away, but they were the foundation of the rest of our life. I wish I could see you blush in the part where we finally made love. I wanted to use more colorful language, but I toned it down for your sake. I shouldn't have, but now I'm too tired to re-write it.

You're looking at me now through the glass. I just smiled at you, and you relaxed just a little. If we didn't love each other so much it wouldn't be this hard. Which is why I have to say this:

Focus on the good. Focus on your purpose. And remember Clark Kent.

I fell in love with him first. He's the most important part of you, even if the rest of the world doesn't know. He keeps you human. He makes you mine. I love you, Clark Kent. Until this entire concept of living is dead, I will love you and our family.

* * *

15.

At this moment in time, I am looking down on a planet that I've lived on for the past thousand years.

You wouldn't believe the world now. The heroes don't have to hide at all. Most don't even have secret identities. And the world accepts all of them as family. They say it's because of me. I was a leader of a new dawn. I don't really feel that way. I had a great team beside me. All of us created this new world.

You would think I wouldn't be lonely, then. I am. You're not here, and there has been no one else. In a thousand years it's just been you, and between you and me, it's felt like ten thousand years.

I miss you. So did Chris… But you must know about that, already.

I wish I could say I honored your last wishes about Clark. I wish I didn't disappoint you, but it was too hard, Lois. What was the point of being Clark Kent when there was no Lois Lane Kent? I lost him, and even though the world knew Superman had changed, I couldn't bring him back. There was too much pain in his existence. I just wasn't strong enough without you.

Maybe I will be after I join you.

That's what I'm planning now. There's a threat on the horizon, larger than all my enemies put together. I don't think I'm making it out alive. It doesn't worry me because fighting until my last heart beats to save this planet we called home, is what I was born for.

This journal is falling apart in my hands. I love you, Lois. I'll tell you soon when I see you again.

.end.


End file.
